I feel no affection and disattached from my parents

22F here, currently living abroad.

Long story short, I was basically raised by my grandparents and other relatives dahil ang parents ko, nasa trabaho.

I've always had a rough relationship with my mother. In the times that I would need emotional support, she wouldn't know what to do. Instead she'd insult me, swear at me and scream at me to not be emotional. There were also times where I felt like I was the 'parent' instead dahil pati mga complex issues, sinasabi niya sa akin as a kid. She would always have something negative to say about other people, and tell me what I should feel about them so unconciously as a child/teenager, I absorbed all of that.

Dahil sa mga sinasabi ng mother ko noon, even my relationship with my dad got affected and in turn, I don't feel attached to him as well (partly because he also worked overseas for a good amount of years, so therefore not really seeing him).

Naghiwalay sila when I was about 15 but around that time, I think I was too busy surviving on my own because that early on (I kind of sense that I couldn't rely on them), I did not really process it properly. By the time I was 18, there was an opportunity to go overseas through my auntie, so I grabbed it and worked multiple jobs while studying to finish my studies and work all alone.

Admittedly, during this time, ang daming negative feelings na nag-spurt sa akin kasi I felt so alone and felt like I couldn't rely on anyway. I resented the fact that I couldn't rely on my parents in any way, whether it be financial, emotional, whatever else. I resented the fact that I have to survive and parent myself while other people my age can take it easy and enjoy their youth.

In between this time, a lot of drama also happened and I was away from them, so I did not really see them except when I did visit last year dahil sinama lang ako ni Tita.

When I saw them, parang wala naman hatred or any negative feelings yung nafe-feel ko. More like disattachment and indifference to the affection and whatsoever they're showing. Even if it may be genuine, I just can't help but think that it's all fake. Dahil hindi naman sila ganoon noong teenager ako. In the back of my mind, I also can't help that it's all for show because they might ask monetary support from me later on, or dahil ngayon pwede ako gawing trophy as they can claim credit for whatever "successes" I'm having kahit never naman nila ako tinulungan.

Kapag din birthdays nila or events like Mother's day, I feel like it's more of an obligation to send gifts and greet them kahit wala naman sa puso ko yung sinasabi ko.

Looking back, I see my parents now as humans and not in the perspective of when I was a child/teenager. Baka ganoon nga lang yung treatment sa akin ng mother ko kasi she was too stressed about finances and have regrets over choosing my dad as her husband. But still, I couldn't feel any hint of affection for her. I feel so numb. I feel like my trust and whatever hope I had have been broken too many times already.

I feel a tinge of guilt and feel like such a horrible person because society dictates us na dapat, affectionate tayo sa parents natin when I literally feel nothing for them. I didn't ask to be born, kaya kung isusumbat ang suporta noong pagkabata ay hindi valid for me. You had a child so it's literally your responsibility to raise them.

In the hindsight, it literally is my worse fear to turn into someone like my mother or end up in a relationship like them. Kaya siguro looking into my romantic relationships naman, I've never taken anyone seriously.

I hate being so messed up.

22F here, currently living abroad. Long story short, I was basically raised by my grandparents and other relatives dahil ang parents ko, nasa trabaho. I've always had a rough relationship with my mother. In the times that I would need emotional support, she wouldn't know what to do. Instead she'd insult me, swear at me and scream at me to not be emotional. There were also times where I felt like I was the 'parent' instead dahil pati mga complex issues, sinasabi niya sa akin as a kid. She would always have something negative to say about other people, and tell me what I should feel about them so unconciously as a child/teenager, I absorbed all of that.Dahil sa mga sinasabi ng mother ko noon, even my relationship with my dad got affected and in turn, I don't feel attached to him as well (partly because he also worked overseas for a good amount of years, so therefore not really seeing him).Naghiwalay sila when I was about 15 but around that time, I think I was too busy surviving on my own because that early on (I kind of sense that I couldn't rely on them), I did not really process it properly. By the time I was 18, there was an opportunity to go overseas through my auntie, so I grabbed it and worked multiple jobs while studying to finish my studies and work all alone. Admittedly, during this time, ang daming negative feelings na nag-spurt sa akin kasi I felt so alone and felt like I couldn't rely on anyway. I resented the fact that I couldn't rely on my parents in any way, whether it be financial, emotional, whatever else. I resented the fact that I have to survive and parent myself while other people my age can take it easy and enjoy their youth. In between this time, a lot of drama also happened and I was away from them, so I did not really see them except when I did visit last year dahil sinama lang ako ni Tita. When I saw them, parang wala naman hatred or any negative feelings yung nafe-feel ko. More like disattachment and indifference to the affection and whatsoever they're showing. Even if it may be genuine, I just can't help but think that it's all fake. Dahil hindi naman sila ganoon noong teenager ako. In the back of my mind, I also can't help that it's all for show because they might ask monetary support from me later on, or dahil ngayon pwede ako gawing trophy as they can claim credit for whatever "successes" I'm having kahit never naman nila ako tinulungan. Kapag din birthdays nila or events like Mother's day, I feel like it's more of an obligation to send gifts and greet them kahit wala naman sa puso ko yung sinasabi ko.Looking back, I see my parents now as humans and not in the perspective of when I was a child/teenager. Baka ganoon nga lang yung treatment sa akin ng mother ko kasi she was too stressed about finances and have regrets over choosing my dad as her husband. But still, I couldn't feel any hint of affection for her. I feel so numb. I feel like my trust and whatever hope I had have been broken too many times already. I feel a tinge of guilt and feel like such a horrible person because society dictates us na dapat, affectionate tayo sa parents natin when I literally feel nothing for them. I didn't ask to be born, kaya kung isusumbat ang suporta noong pagkabata ay hindi valid for me. You had a child so it's literally your responsibility to raise them.In the hindsight, it literally is my worse fear to turn into someone like my mother or end up in a relationship like them. Kaya siguro looking into my romantic relationships naman, I've never taken anyone seriously. I hate being so messed up. by ANISH
22F here, currently living abroad. Long story short, I was basically raised by my grandparents and other relatives dahil ang parents ko, nasa trabaho. I've always had a rough relationship with my mother. In the times that I would need emotional support, she wouldn't know what to do. Instead she'd insult me, swear at me and scream at me to not be emotional. There were also times where I felt like I was the 'parent' instead dahil pati mga complex issues, sinasabi niya sa akin as a kid. She would always have something negative to say about other people, and tell me what I should feel about them so unconciously as a child/teenager, I absorbed all of that.Dahil sa mga sinasabi ng mother ko noon, even my relationship with my dad got affected and in turn, I don't feel attached to him as well (partly because he also worked overseas for a good amount of years, so therefore not really seeing him).Naghiwalay sila when I was about 15 but around that time, I think I was too busy surviving on my own because that early on (I kind of sense that I couldn't rely on them), I did not really process it properly. By the time I was 18, there was an opportunity to go overseas through my auntie, so I grabbed it and worked multiple jobs while studying to finish my studies and work all alone. Admittedly, during this time, ang daming negative feelings na nag-spurt sa akin kasi I felt so alone and felt like I couldn't rely on anyway. I resented the fact that I couldn't rely on my parents in any way, whether it be financial, emotional, whatever else. I resented the fact that I have to survive and parent myself while other people my age can take it easy and enjoy their youth. In between this time, a lot of drama also happened and I was away from them, so I did not really see them except when I did visit last year dahil sinama lang ako ni Tita. When I saw them, parang wala naman hatred or any negative feelings yung nafe-feel ko. More like disattachment and indifference to the affection and whatsoever they're showing. Even if it may be genuine, I just can't help but think that it's all fake. Dahil hindi naman sila ganoon noong teenager ako. In the back of my mind, I also can't help that it's all for show because they might ask monetary support from me later on, or dahil ngayon pwede ako gawing trophy as they can claim credit for whatever "successes" I'm having kahit never naman nila ako tinulungan. Kapag din birthdays nila or events like Mother's day, I feel like it's more of an obligation to send gifts and greet them kahit wala naman sa puso ko yung sinasabi ko.Looking back, I see my parents now as humans and not in the perspective of when I was a child/teenager. Baka ganoon nga lang yung treatment sa akin ng mother ko kasi she was too stressed about finances and have regrets over choosing my dad as her husband. But still, I couldn't feel any hint of affection for her. I feel so numb. I feel like my trust and whatever hope I had have been broken too many times already. I feel a tinge of guilt and feel like such a horrible person because society dictates us na dapat, affectionate tayo sa parents natin when I literally feel nothing for them. I didn't ask to be born, kaya kung isusumbat ang suporta noong pagkabata ay hindi valid for me. You had a child so it's literally your responsibility to raise them.In the hindsight, it literally is my worse fear to turn into someone like my mother or end up in a relationship like them. Kaya siguro looking into my romantic relationships naman, I've never taken anyone seriously. I hate being so messed up. https://ift.tt/kNU7nLS